This is a blog post I’ve been wanting to write for a few weeks now, but not knowing where to start, I put it off. The current times are overwhelming and underwhelming all at the same time. I have found myself bored at moments - something I do not experience very often as there is almost always something I want to be working on (jewelry or otherwise.) But there is so much time right now I actually have time for boredom. And it’s not freaking me out as much as it used to. I think learning to sit with boredom and be a bit more comfortable with it is healthy, and something we don’t entertain much in our culture of “more more more.”
Arlo, lounging in the yard, helping me relax during these challenging times.
I also know though, that not everyone is experiencing an excess of time. For some, their time has been filled to the breaking point - with kids at home and working from home, or maybe you’re someone with a job deemed essential. I know there are many folks with less, not more time on their hands.
It was interesting to read back over my last blog post that I wrote and posted here at the end of February. Things were already changing then, but we had not been issued shelter in place orders yet. Overall the pace and routines of our days were the familiar. In that blog post I wrote about the changes I was (and still am) working on within my business to structure it differently, to allow for more creativity, including closing most of my wholesale program, and curating and selling the Tangleweeds vintage collection.
A lot of the goals I wrote about in that blog post actually align rather well with what is currently happening. Not all of it, but at least the part about putting my head down and simply doing the creative work with less distractions. Because of this, I initially thought that when shelter in place orders were made I’d be able to stride forward easily with my new goals (not the thrifting part though!) I had no idea how much the general anxiety of the times was going to seep into my being, into my day to day. I had no idea that sometimes time would move slow, sometimes it would feel like it was flying by. That focusing on new creative projects would be a challenge because I would feel like if I didn’t have the news on ALL OF THE TIME I would miss something important. That some days I wouldn’t mean to have the news on all day only to realize it was almost time to make dinner and all I had listened to was the news. With the beginning of each week I would reapply myself and try to be more “disciplined” only to end up in a state of high anxiety by Tuesday afternoon at the latest. After four weeks in a row of this, I have finally backed off of all of the pressure I was putting on myself.
I don’t want to prioritize my work over my well being and so I’m learning to change my expectations. I usually like to create a schedule for me week with each day outlined with the tasks and goals at hand. Now I’m doing this a little differently - I’m creating a very loose outline for my week, and when I sit down to write it I try to do it in a quiet and calm space and really get in touch with what I want to do with my time that week. I remind myself that I have the luxury of doing this right now as my work is running at a much slower pace.
Which brings me to the number one point I keep making to myself, to others, and via social media and my newsletter as much as I can: I think our number one priority right now is doing what we need to do to take care of ourselves and take care of our loved ones. Please don’t worry about how productive you are at this time. My guess is that for most of you who may read this, your daily life is more complicated and fuller right now than you thought possible. I know for me it is.
Which brings me back to my weekly outlines: after I create that outline for the week I remind myself that it’s not a goal list. That these are simply things I’d like to do, or the thought of working on makes me happy. It’s okay if some of the things don’t get crossed off the list. Of course I still have my fair share of daily work that must be done, and I make sure to make the time for these things. But I don’t want to look back on this time and wish I’d gone easier on myself. Because we are all grieving right now. Only gentleness is going to help us through all of this.
Currently, being outside, whether that’s going for a walk, doing some gardening (most of my garden is containers, but there's lots I can do within these parameters and my plants have never been happier) or just sitting in the sunshine with one of my cats is really what I NEED every day to feel calm. I'm finding that I’m better off prioritizing these things daily than concerning myself with checking things off of a “to-do list.” In fact, right now, as I wrap up this blog post, I’m thinking I’ll grab the iced coffee out of the fridge that I made yesterday (I have a little hack for making an iced lavender latte) and go lounge in the sun with Arlo (my orange tabby.) Of course I have more things I’d like to get to today, but if I don’t that’s okay too.
I’m gonna wrap on one final point: remember that however you’re feeling through all of this is okay. The tone that I’ve struck with this blog post may make it sound like I’m calm, composed and meditating a half hour every day, but that is far from the truth. Some days I’m a mess. Some days I’m great. Most days are somewhere in between.
Before you go, if you’d like, I’d love to hear how you’re doing in the comments below. Stay safe, stay healthy, and as one of my favorite musicians keeps saying in her Instagram posts: “stay mighty.”
all the love,
Jeannine